Arming yourself against criticism – Using your best weaponry

Posted by Nicola Preston Bell in General | 0 comments

Remember the difference between a criticism and a complaint

• Criticism attacks your identity, never justified or reasonable or defensible, it says more about the criticiser than it does about you.
• Complaints are focused on behaviour, are time limited and can be a legitimate form of feedback. However, they are also just another personal point of view

Listen to that inner voice

• Is it critical or complaining? Is it whiny or shrill? How does it make you feel? Do you really believe it’s worth listening to?
• Now try turning the volume down on it until it fades away.

Find a new voice

• Think about someone who is helpful and encouraging, imagine having their voice there instead – what would they be saying to you?
• Turn the volume up, imagining they are sitting opposite you now, being supportive and encouraging, what would they be saying to you now?

Use your new voice and listen to it

• Notice the differences in the choices and decisions you make when you make space for a kinder more relaxed and tolerant voice.

Remember you don’t have to leave your control panel open so that people can push your hot buttons, you can choose whether to get upset or angry at unreasonable behaviour. Sometimes those emotions are appropriate, when the time is right. Unreasonable behaviour says more about the other person than about you. Your reaction says something about you and how you respond to others.

When you are going into a situation you have identified as tricky, imagine you have an invisible riot shield that will protect you from any flack flying around. This will help you to observe the scene being played out in front of you with less chance of being hurt. Meanwhile, you can more easily try to stay cool and calm.